


Letters

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Series: Anderperry Week 2014 [1]
Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Anderperry Week, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Moving On, Originally Posted on Tumblr, So Bear With me, i'm archiving these bc i realised they're not on my ao3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 11:56:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Todd writes a letter to Neil after his death.





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Anderperry Week: Day Two. Letters.

Neil,

I think that they’re crazy for telling me to write to you. You’re dead. You can’t respond to this. You can’t answer.

And that fucking hurts.

But I’m writing anyways, because I asked Keating if he thought my therapist was actually crazy for suggesting for me to do it, and all he responded with was a quiet, “We don’t write because it’s cute, Todd. We write things to feel.”

So here I am, writing you a letter, even though you can’t respond.

If I were selfish, I’d tell you how much your death affected me. I’d tell you that it hurt me more than anyone except maybe your mother. But I can’t be selfish. I was selfish when I first got the news. You were selfish, killing yourself. I wanted to be selfish. But I’m not. Not anymore.

Everyone is slowly moving forward. Everyone was affected by your death, but… It’s getting better. I’m getting better.

I only wish you were getting better with me.

I miss the way you used to pull me out of my shell. I miss the way you would sit on my bed with me and smile the way you used to and laugh like there wasn’t anything in the world at all to be afraid of.

I miss you at meetings. (We all do… But I’m allowing myself to be selfish here and say I miss you the most.) We still have meetings, you know. But they’re not the same.

I miss you, Neil. You changed me in so many ways… And I’ll never be the same. I love you for it, but I hate you for it at the same time. Because you left a part of yourself with me, Neil… And it hurts that I’ll never have all of you again.

I miss you.   
Todd

**Author's Note:**

> Archived from my tumblr circa 2014. Kudos/comments are love. 
> 
> Tumblr: deathishauntedbyhumans


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